Sometimes life likes to throw you little surprises. Not that the birth of our newest granddaughter was a surprise – we’d been expecting her for quite a few months. But the surprising part is – I didn’t realize who much time and energy a newborn can take. And since little Kora lives with us with her mother and big brother, Kolby, the amount of energy and time has hit very close to home!
Its been a struggle, these past few months, to find the time to paint. But until Kora arrived on the scene a few weeks ago, I still had some semblance of a routine. Work at my day job until 5:00, home to take care of horses, throw some dinner together, read a bedtime story to Kolby, then down to my studio to paint for a couple of hours.
All that has flown out the window. It’s a new ballgame, and I haven’t quite gotten the rules down. Even though I’ve snuck down to my studio a few times in the last few weeks, I find I have neither the creative energy or the stamina to work on a large piece. And so I’ve begun painting little 4x4’s. It is a way for me to still create, without the pressure of a big painting. A glass of wine, my favorite cd playing, and maybe an hour to myself a few days a week.
I find it interesting that my painting has taken on a very childlike quality. Lately I’ve begun by painting on some colors and shapes with acrylic paint, then painting over in oils, just stream of consciousness painting, a stroke of color here, another there until something starts to take shape. A bird. A horse. A flower.
Right now it seems that’s all I can manage. And I’m struggling to be okay with that; to accept that I am exhausted. To give myself some slack. Those of you who know me well know how difficult that is for me.
What I cannot do is stop painting. So these little paintings are keeping my creative juices flowing, even if the flow is little more than a trickle some days. I’m trying to find my equilibrium one tiny painting at a time.