Have you ever stood in a line at Disneyland – you know, the kind of line that snakes back and forth and doubles up on itself? The kind where the ride is 20 feet away, but you have to move through a mile of line to get there?. The waiting lines at Disneyland are engineered to trick you into believing the wait will be a short one. It is not until you have invested 15 minutes or so that you realize it is longer – MUCH longer – than you first believed. But by now you are stuck. There is no easy way to turn back. Plus, you hold out hope that THIS will be the last turn!
Learning to paint feels a bit like this. When you first start out, you are enamored with what you do, and feel like the “line” that leads to being an accomplished artist will be a short one. So you commit to the line and paint. And paint. And paint. And although each painting brings you closer, just when you think maybe you are getting pretty good, the line doubles back, and you feel like you are starting all over.
When I started my Painting a Day project, I knew that I needed to get a lot of painting under my belt if I was going to go beyond where I am now. There are no shortcuts to becoming a great painter. Like anything else, if you wish to excel, you’ve got to put in the time. I understood this. What I didn’t understand was that by painting everyday, the highs and lows become compressed. Although I’ve been happy with many of the paintings I’ve produced, I am equally dissatisfied. I want to do better. Like an Olympic athlete, I want to land the triple toe loop perfectly, I want to have the fastest, cleanest slalom run.
Maybe some of my dissatisfaction comes from not getting into a show, or not making a sale in a gallery. The external affirmations are important. But mostly the dissatisfaction comes from within – from the internal coach who pushes me and says I’ll have to do better than that if I want to come home with the gold.
Whether you are in the line at Disneyland, or are the athlete practicing to be the best,or the artist pushing herself to excel – there are times when you want to give up. You are tired, discouraged, hurt and frustrated. You’ve invested so much of yourself and you think, “Can I do this? Is it worth it to continue?”
We really don’t know the answer to that. Will we like the ride? Will we be athletic enough to jump the highest or run the fastest? Do we have the talent to create a great piece of art? We don’t know. We can’t know. Unless we stay in line, pick ourselves up when we fall, paint another painting. Push ourselves to persevere, do a little better today than we did yesterday. Accept the disappointments and move on. And be grateful for each bit of progress we make.
"Water Over the Dam" is a work-in-progress. To see all my daily paintings, click here.
